John Doe is a carpenter, Richard Roe doctor… I am this: “What I always wanted to be.” For many it may be only a definition, but this is what shapes me. It is what, besides my name, defines me… is not me talking, Jorge Luis Borges said:
“If (as affirms the Greek in the Cratylus)
the name is archetype of the thing,
in the letters of “rose” is the rose,
and all the Nile flows through the word.”
From the first time I walked on a stage I knew it was there where I wanted to be.
Right now return to my mind, with tenderness, some “beginnings”… The first nerves, the first panic… The first feelings of “debut” and the first applause.
I remember one night of concert in which I modified “Yesterday” (The Beatles), strumming my guitar playing fast at the wrong tempo and “singing” the lyrics with a shy whisper, then I found myself fleeing the stage and dropping my tears in the bathroom.
According to me, at that time, what happened were disastrous, nothing could be worse, I felt so ashamed of having done so badly, I was disappointed in myself and I thought I would never be able to play a “good role”.
However, other opportunities came quickly. Never I let the guitar but I immersed myself in the texts of Drama and Theatre. And I was able to be so many characters “collectively created” and also famous characters as “Juliet”…
According to the criterion of my teacher I had the ideal age to interpret it, in addition to possessing the “special madness” to be an actress. After the premiere he wrote to me a note that said: “It was an excellent confirmation!”
That was how I got dressed with many skins until I was immersed in music. I decided then that the music notes would emerge from my body through movement and sweat… I knew that they could dress me and I also knew I could be “myself”.
I started from nothing and one day I was spinning covering the whole stage. And I felt that I embraced the world and a light and an indescribable feeling sprang from me in every breath, in every sigh…
I give a damn “the standing ovation”. I am the same for one or two or a myriad of viewers and the applause I receive it with the open heart, bowing to the audience… I always blush and I always say: _ “Thank you”.
Although I never stop being that little girl weeping in the bathroom and my essence is intact, the reason why I was crying is just a memory because life and time proved me the opposite: “I belong here, in this place full of lights, in that space where magical beings spring up… Where the boards reveal the stomp of the art maker with an unmistakable sound that echoes in the soul to not ever leave ”
I warned to my students in more than one occasion: “Those who take the stage today for the first time… Some of you may forget it, others will never leave”.
What is the stage? I know there I break myself, then bit by bit, piece by piece I work up again. I rebuilt myself. Yes! so, I invent “me” again, every time… the same… “me”.
I can be ephemeral, an invincible creature, an ant …
Superb, brutal… small.
Deep as the sea, the salt, the foam.
A “look” full of words …
A giant or a feather.
I can be away and be here in the same time with the first note of a song, be without being, beyond or “more here”, because my wings are my feet and the music is the endless sky…
This is me,
the one that on stage comes out of this fine membrane (my skin).
This is me,
The one that I always wanted to be.
Is not merely a definition. It’s a statement!
And there is no a single reason for me to back down or “deny myself”.
I can’t ignore that part of me because it’s ALL… To deny this it would be like “nullify”… “Not to be”.
And if I have to go to hell these words can be read on my ashes:
“This is me and how I define myself:
Magda Monti ‘IL FANANA’
Magda Monti ‘ARTIST’ “
(Jorge Luis Borges didn’t say it, I say so)